


rodeo

by philippine



Series: ups and downs [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-11 01:15:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13513707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philippine/pseuds/philippine
Summary: set after Ups and Down and New Normal, some angst is back!Lena had disappeared, not completely, Kara could still hear her heartbeat but it was faint and distant and it set Kara on the edge.orThis two dorks really need to learn how to communicate properly.





	1. disappearance

**Author's Note:**

> thank you TrueMaverick for the reviews.

Lena had disappeared, not completely, Kara could still hear her heartbeat but it was faint and distant and it set Kara on the edge. Why had Lena left and why did she leave without telling her? Kara’s first thought was that she had been kidnapped, but when she called Jess, the secretary told her Lena had taken some days off and had left town on purpose. The blonde couldn’t figure out a reason for the CEO’s self-imposed exile, things were great between them. They've had amazing dates and they agreed on taking things slow. They were in love and they had time, even if the desire for each other ate them alive when they were together.

 

Kara couldn’t shake off her worries. Something must have happened to make Lena fly away. She knew that the CEO had a habit of locking herself in her shell and it didn’t come naturally for her to ask for help even when she needed it.

 

Kara was torn between the need to help her girlfriend and giving her enough space. She didn’t know what to do so she did the only thing she could do, she called Alex.

“Hi sis” Alex answered.

 

“A… Alex… Lena has disappeared” Kara sobbed.

 

“What? I’ll call J’onn and Winn, we will find her” Alex instantly replied, slipping into her agent mode.

“No, Alex, she left town but Jess said she wanted to” Kara was quick to reassure her sister before all the DEO went looking for the CEO.

 

“What? I don’t understand?” Alex was at a loss, last time she checked with Kara or with Lena, they were happy.

 

“She just left without a word and I don’t know what to do Alex” Kara whined.

 

“I’m on my way, Kara,” Alex replied she could sense her sister's distress, and only could imagine how she felt. She was surprised by Lena's behavior as well.

 

“Thank you” Kara whispered before ending the call.

 

***

 

At first, Lena thought she was sick because of something she had eaten, dating Kara had somehow thrown her diet through the window and it seemed normal that her body would react like that. But after three mornings bent over her toilet it hit her - morning sickness, how was it possible? It had been a while since her last relationship with a man and she had always had been so careful. Except for that night two months ago, where she got so drunk that she couldn’t remember half of the night. But she was sure that even in her drunk state she would have insisted on using protection. How was it even possible?

 

Of course, life would send her a curveball, now that everything had begun to settle. She was finally happy with Kara. She had turned Lcorp’s image into something good. She was enjoying her CEO position more than she thought she would. So of course life couldn’t be that good for a Luthor.

She tentatively rose to her unsteady feet and went toward the sink, rinsing her mouth and brushing her teeth. She needed to think, what did she want to do, how should she deal with it? The first thing she needed to do was make an appointment with her doctor, to be sure but that was just a formality she was already sure. There wasn't any other explanation.

 

Her doctor confirmed what she already knew. She immediately called Jess to clear her schedule, she needed time and space to think. She felt oppressed here, she couldn’t form a coherent thought. It had been a while since the last time she had to leave National City for something other than a business trip.

 

Lena left National City without looking backward. She was so caught up in her own head and used to not having anyone close to her that she had forgotten about Kara. This realization hit her when she let her bag fall to the floor of her cabin deep in the woods. She had planned on bringing Kara here for a romantic escape. She turned around to see the smile on her girlfriends face only to remember that she was alone here. And maybe at the end of her exile, she wouldn’t have a girlfriend anymore.

 

Because she was at the bottom of the issue, Kara. If she had been alone, it would have been easy to make a decision.

 

Was she ready to raise a child despite her family’s history?

Did she have the time for a child in her hectic schedule?

Did she want a child?

Was it safe to have a child, knowing her life was often threatened?  

 

But when she added Kara to the equation, her interrogating increased exponentially:

 

Did Kara want a child?

Did Kara want a child with her?

Was it safe to raise a child with a Super?

Did they relationship was strong enough to survive this test?

What was more important for her: having a child or having Kara in her life?

 

All the questions swirled in her mind to the point her head hurt. She let herself fall on her bed face first and tried to calm down. But tears began to fall free on her cheeks and she indulged herself. She cried herself to sleep.

 

***

 

Alex spent most of her time holding her sister while she was crying in her arms. Neither of them could understand Lena’s behaviour. And Alex didn’t know what to say to help her sister. She had tried to call Lena on her way to Kara’s apartment but she couldn’t reach the woman. She had asked Winn to track down Lena’s cell phone. And Winn had sent her a text half an hour ago to let her know that he failed. Lena might have left her phone behind her after turning it off. Alex was astonished by Lena’s ability to disappear. But she also knew that the businesswoman wouldn’t have left without giving her secretary some way to reach her. She could try to bribe Jess for information or to at least pass on a message and let Lena know she wasn’t alone whatever this was about.

 

“You should try to sleep” Alex finally said when Kara stopped crying.

 

“Stay please” Kara whispered her voice hoarse after crying most of the night.

 

“Ok kid.” All of this reminded Alex their childhood when Kara had nightmares and couldn’t sleep alone.

 

When Alex woke up, she was alone in the bed. She walked out of the bedroom and found Kara sitting at the kitchen counter lost in her thoughts, her eyes red and puffy.

 

“Good morning,” Alex said making her way to make coffee.

 

“Good morning” Kara replied absentmindedly, with a lifeless voice. Alex abandoned her task to take Kara in her arms, it hurt her to hear her sister so distressed.

 

“I will find her and ask her what happened. I can’t stand not knowing” Kara mumbled in Alex's shoulder.

 

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Alex asked, drawing a soothing pattern on Kara’s back.

 

“No, but it’s this only thing I can think about,” The blonde said, stepping away from her sisters embrace.

 

“Maybe you should give her some time?” Alex tried to reason. But Kara seemed determined. 

 

“Give me until tonight to try reaching her and if I can't, you can go?”

 

Kara nodded and left for the bathroom. Alex sent a text to Sam without too much hope.

 

**Have you any news from Lena?**

 

Alex received the answer she was expecting.

 

**No, sorry.**

**She asked me to take care of L-corp during her leave but nothing more since then.**

 

Her last hope was Jess, but she knew it wouldn’t be easy to obtain answers from the secretary, it was like she had been trained to resist torture. And if she was glad for the woman's loyalty toward her boss it was against Alex right now.

 

She decided on stopping by L-corp on her way to the DEO. When Jess saw her step out of the elevator, she instantly lost her professional smile and replaced it with a frown. “It won’t be easy” Alex thought.

 

“Hello Jess”

 

“Agent Danvers, how can I help you?”  

 

“I need to reach Lena” No need to beat around the bush Alex thought.

 

“She is actually off grid” Jess replied sternly.

 

“Come on Jess, I really need to get in touch with her, and I know she wouldn’t have left without giving you a way to contact her” Alex crossed her arms in front of her chest defying Jess to lie to her.

 

“I’m not allowed to give you that information,” Jess said hoping the agent would understand.

 

“I know Jess, and I don’t want to cause you any trouble, but maybe you could pass on a message?” Alex relaxed slightly.

 

Jess seemed to ponder her options before nodding slowly. Alex thought about what she wanted to say and write it down before handing the piece of paper to the secretary.

 

**Lena, it’s Alex, Kara and I are worried about you. Please reach out to Kara, I won’t be able to keep her from joining you if you don’t. And don’t forget you have people here for you.**

 

Jess tapped the text and sent it to Lena’s secured phone apologizing for the disturbance. When she was sure she was alone she smiled widely. Whatever Lena was going through she wasn’t alone she had Kara, Alex, and Sam now. Jess was happy for her boss and knew everything would be fine, at least she hoped.


	2. loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank TrueMaverick for the review.

When Lena opened her eyes she immediately felt sick. It began to exasperate her, it wasn't even morning anymore. She had slept through almost all the day. Between being away from the civilization and all the noise which came with and her sleep deprivation, it seemed her body needed some extra sleep.

 

When she could finally come out the bathroom she looked for her phone in her purse and cursed when she saw she had a message from Jess, she had hoped she wouldn’t be disturbed here, and that she would have the time to think through everything before she was forced to come back to National City.

 

“Shit” she said, oddly, cursing was liberating for her, so she let a string of curses leave her mouth.

“Holy fucking shit, go fuck yourself freaking idiot” she screamed to no one. There wasn’t a living soul for miles away around her cabin. It was why she loved this place and why she hadn’t sold it like most of Lex’s properties. When she felt calmer she looked at her secretary’s text.

 

**Sorry to disturb you but I have a message for you. Jess.**

 

**“Lena it’s Alex, Kara and I are worried about you. Please reach out to Kara, I won’t be able to keep her from joining you if you don’t. And don’t forget you have people here for you”.**

 

Tears fell once again down her cheeks. It was easy for her to forget that she had people who cared for her now, and every time she remembered it, it hit her like a freight train. She took a look at the clock hanging in the living room, it was almost 4 pm, maybe it was too late to prevent Kara from joining her. The idea didn’t really bother her. She knew she had chosen to be here to think, but she missed the blonde and she was aware that at some point she would need to talk with her about the situation. So if it was too late to stop Kara she wouldn’t have to make the decision.

 

She walked to the kitchen, she needed to eat something, she wasn't alone anymore and she needed to take care of the life growing inside her. She paused at the thought. It seemed that her mind unconsciously drifted toward a decision. But she forced herself to think. It wasn't something she should take lightly. But first things first, she would eat then she would settle at her desk and write down everything.

 

The cabin's fridge has been stuffed with food thanks to Jess who had arranged it for her arrival. She smiled at the fact that she was unable to live without the woman. Her secretary took care of every aspect of her life, freeing her mind and letting her focus on work. Even if lately she had been more focused on Kara than on her work.

 

She retrieved fruits from the fridge and sliced them carefully, then she pressed some oranges. She didn't usually have time for breakfast in the morning and most of the time she drank buckets of coffee, this needed to change if she wanted to pursue this adventure. She was sure it would please the blonde, she would force her to eat… if she still wanted to be with her.

 

The thought erased her smile instantly. She didn't know if Kara wanted to have a child (children?) there were so many things she didn't know, so many things they hadn’t talked about, she needed to discuss so much with the blonde. Maybe coming here was a mistake, she couldn't answer half of her questions alone.

 

Alone, she thought about Alex's message, she wasn't alone anymore. But what would happen if Kara didn't want her in her life after she found out? Would Alex still be there for her?

 

She fidgeted with her phone while eating, she was pondered calling Alex or Kara, or texting one of them, or staying silent. She had never been so indecisive in her life and she began to become frustrated with herself. She pushed the phone far away from her. One more thing she couldn’t deal with for now.

 

***

 

Kara sat alone in her apartment. She had spent so much time here, too much time. She fidgeted with her phone, waiting for news from Alex or a call from Lena. She felt helpless, she hated this feeling, it reminded her too much of what she had lost. It plunged her back to when she witnessed the destruction of her planet, seeing the life that she had known until this moment disappear in front of her eyes.

 

How was a teenager was supposed to deal with the loss of her people, her civilization, her language, her planet? And if all that wasn’t enough, she lost her adoptive father one year after her arrival on Earth. It wasn’t a surprise that she didn’t react well at loss or at the idea of loss.

 

Nightmares had plagued her childhood and they were back last night, even Alex's presence hadn’t been enough. She was sleep deprived, and the doubt ate her alive. She needed to stop thinking about Lena, she had promised her sister she would wait. She needed to think about something else, and it wasn’t easy when the city was so calm and she had taken leave from Catco.

 

Catco and her professional future was her other issue. At first, she asked for leave to avoid Lena. But she didn’t feel like going back there even when things were well with the CEO. She wanted to be a reporter to follow her cousin's footsteps and change the world. But after a year of almost only puff pieces, she failed to see how she could change the world by writing about cats.

The only piece that interested her was the one about Lcorp, but now she was involved with Lena, there was a conflict of interest and as soon as their relationship came out she wouldn’t be allowed to write about the CEO.

 

Maybe it was time for her to get serious and chose what she wanted to do with her life. The DEO paid for her apartment and her food as a thank you for keeping the city safe, but nothing more. And after two months without her Catco salary, her savings began to run low. She was far from accepting Lena’s money, it was against all her beliefs, and they often fought over the bills at restaurants.  

 

She was thinking everything was fine between the dark-haired woman and her, and she sincerely hoped so, but maybe it wasn’t the case. Her heart ached at the thought of losing Lena. They really needed to sit and talk. It had been the lack of communication between them that had almost driven them apart last time, she didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

 

She stood and groaned loudly, she hated doing nothing. She began to walk back and forth in her living room and looked at the time, it was the middle of the afternoon, she couldn’t wait any longer, so she called her sister.

 

“Aleeeeex” She whined as a greeting.

 

“Karaaaaaaa” the agent replied imitating her sister’s whine.

 

“Can I go now?” Kara asked hopefully, Maybe Alex would take pity.

 

“No, Kara, give me two hours, I will call you, I swear…”

 

“But Alex, please” Kara cut off her sister, she was on the verge of throwing a tantrum.

 

“Kara, No, you promised, if you are bored come train at the DEO,” Alex said sternly.

 

“But, I don’t want to train” Kara pouted, she was acting like a child, she was aware of it, but she couldn’t help it. She knew that if she went out of her apartment she would fly straight to Lena.

 

“I have to go back to work, I call you as soon as I have news” Alex replied before disconnecting the call, she knew better than trying to argue with her sister when she was in this emotional state.

 

Kara almost threw her phone across the room, but she restrained herself knowing she needed it in case Lena tried to reach her, and she couldn’t afford to buy a new one, again. 

 

She blew out a frustrated sighed, two more hours to wait. She fell back on the couch and scrolled through Netflix suggestion, nothing seemed appealing enough to take her thoughts away from Lena. She turned off her TV and curled on her couch, hiding under her covers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for reading, tell me what you think.


	3. discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank TrueMaverick for the review.

“Can I go now?” Kara asked impatiently, instead of greeting her sister when she picked up her phone.

 

“Are you sure it's a good idea?” Alex replied.

 

“No, but I can’t wait anymore.”

 

Kara was already in her suit and was ready to step outside of her apartment through her living room window when she heard a commotion at the DEO and Alex stopped her.

 

“Wait, Supergirl is needed, there is a rogue alien on Main street.”

 

Kara groaned and threw herself into the air.

 

“On my way”

 

“Be careful” Alex had barely finished talking when she heard her sister broke the sound barrier on the other side of the town.

 

 

 

Kara wasn’t as focused as she should have been and it took her twice as long, as usual, to deal with the Alien. And she used a lot of her strength in the battle. Alex had forced her to remain under the sunlamps for two hours before she allowed her to leave and join Lena. It was early in the morning and she could see the sun rise on the horizon.

 

 

 

She floated above the city and focused on Lena’s peaceful heartbeat. She let the sound guide her. She found the heiress in the middle of the woods, approximately three hours from National City by road. On her way, she had heard the change in rhythm of Lena’s heartbeat and she knew that she had awakened.

 

She stepped in front of the house and carefully knocked on the door. When no one answered she tried to open the door, which was unlocked and entered.

 

“Lena? Lena, it’s me Kara”

 

No response, Kara followed the sound and found Lena bent above the toilet bowl. She kneeled beside her and gathered Lena’s hair before tying it with the elastic she always kept around her wrist. She drew some soothing patterns on the Lena's back and waited for her to move.

 

Kara didn't ask questions, she would get answers with time. For now, only Lena mattered.

 

 She would be there for her girlfriend, no matter what.

 

 

When Lena finally lifted her head, she didn’t look at Kara. The blonde stood and filled a glass of water and handed it to Lena, who rinsed her mouth before speaking.

 

“Thank you” she weakly said, still avoiding Kara’s eyes.

 

“How are you?” Kara asked and winced at the stupidity of her question, the other woman obviously didn’t seem well.

 

“I've been better”

 

Kara helped Lena stand, they walked toward the kitchen, downstairs in silence, once they sat in the kitchen, they began to talk at the same time.

 

“I...”

 

“We...”

 

They looked at it other with sly smiles.

 

“I would like to begin, please,” Lena said watching her hands crossed on the table in front of her.

 

“Go ahead” Kara replied.

 

“We need to talk, I don’t know how to say it... I really care about you and I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“I feel the same” Kara cut her and earned a glare. “Excuse me, please continue”

 

“But I would understand if you didn’t want to be with me after what I’ll tell you”

 

Kara stood up and rounded the table between them, taking Lena in her arms, she couldn’t see one reason that would push her away from Lena, not after what they have lived through.

 

“I love you, I won’t go anywhere” Kara whispered in the dark-haired woman’s neck. Lena hesitated before reciprocating the embrace, but she finally gave in and hugged her back. And hearing that the blonde loved her gave her the courage to continue.

 

“I’m pregnant” she blurted out.

 

Kara stepped back and looked at her dumbly. She opened and closed her mouth without knowing what to say or how to react.

 

 

Lena let her head fall in her hands and cried, preparing herself for the rejection that she was sure, would come. 

 

“I... How?... When?... Oh! What?” Kara didn’t know where to begin or what to say.

 

“If you want to leave, I can understand” Lena finally said, without moving her head out of her hands. It instantly put Kara out of her trance.

 

“What?! No, No way!” Kara said firmly “Unless that’s what you want?”

 

Lena lifted her head surprised by Kara firmness.

 

“You... You don’t want to leave?”

 

“No, of course not” Kara used her thumbs to wipe away the tears streaming on her girlfriend’s cheeks and kiss her forehead lightly. “We have a lot to discuss indeed, but I won’t go anywhere unless you ask me to. I know you wanted to be alone here” Kara used one finger to point around them “Where are we by the way” she shook her head to refocus and Lena smiled shyly at her girlfriend. “But I was worried and I know that you easily forget that you can talk to me, or to Alex, you have friends. And I didn’t want you to lock yourself away. If you want me to leave you alone here I will, but not without being sure you know that I love you and I’m here for you if you need me” Kara rambled, holding Lena’s head in her hands and forcing her to look at her in the eyes, to show her how much she meant what she said.

 

Lena began to cry again, not that her tears had really stopped, she blamed it on the hormones, even if hearing Kara tell her exactly what she had dreamt to hear didn’t help her to stop crying.

 

“I love you” she whispered between her sobs.

 

“I love you too” Kara whispered back before kissing her. 

 

They stayed silent for a moment, basking in each other presence until Lena’s stomach grumbled and Kara looked at her questioningly.

 

“Are you sure that’s not my child?” she asked jokingly and earned a playful shove. Lena stood and opened the fridge shaking her head. How was she so lucky to have the blonde in her life?

 

 

 

“You can go change and borrow some of my clothes while I prepare something to eat” when she didn’t hear any movement she looked away from the fridge and found Kara looking at her with a wide smile. “What?” she asked

 

“Oh, nothing just I love you” Kara joined her and wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her from behind “I love you” she repeated in Lena’s neck before walking away.                                                                                                                                                                       

 

“I love you too” Lena answered, crying once again.

 

When Kara came back she found that Lena had cooked enough to feed a small army, she sat in front of the dark-haired woman.

 

“All of this looks delicious” Kara said still smiling. She knew they had a lot to talk about, but she also wanted to enjoy a breakfast with her girlfriend.

 

 

 

“Thank you” Lena answered shyly, she played with the slices of fruits on her plate. “We need to talk”

 

“I know, and we will, but let’s eat before we do ok?” Kara replied, she knew she was delaying and the tone in Lena’s voice didn’t help to settle her news. She was afraid Lena would end things between them and she didn’t want that.

 

 

 

When the breakfast was put aside they sat on the couch in front of the fireplace with a lot of space between them, it didn’t help to sooth Kara’s worries but she was ready to give everything to Lena even if it made her suffer.

 

“I … I don’t know what to do. I came here to think but I’m lost” Lena began not meeting Kara’s eyes.

 

“You need to be selfish Lena,” Kara said, she had a hard time restraining herself from closing the distance between them. “I know it’s hard for you, but you need to think about what is good for you first”

 

“I… I don’t know” tears streamed down Lena’s face “I don’t know if I’m strong enough, I don’t know if I will be a good mother, I had abandoned the idea of being a mother a long time ago, and… and now I’m just lost.”

 

“What do you really want? What does your heart tell you?” Kara asked. She wanted to help the dark-haired woman in every way possible.

 

“When I was a child, I dreamt about being a mother, but in my dreams I was married and Lex was an amazing uncle”, Lena said lost in the memory of her young self “not a lunatic who tries to kill me” she added bitterly. “What could I possibly have to offer to a child? Life threats, hatred because of my name? How could I be selfish and bring a child into the mess which is my life?” She asked rhetorically.

 

“You have so much love in you Lena, so much to give, I know you would be a wonderful mother if it’s what you really want” Kara smiled reassuringly.

 

“Maybe but look at my schedule, I don’t have time, and I don’t want to give my child to a nanny and be absent like my father was.” Lena shook her head, remembering her childhood, the long evenings waiting for her father to come home, falling asleep on the hardwood floor above the stairs to welcome him home and waking up in her bed alone when he was already gone. 

 

Kara listened carefully, her heart clenched at the sight of all the emotion passing on Lena’s face, she could see the sadness still present and heard it in Lena’s voice as well. She gave up on her resolutions and closed the distance between them, taking Lena in a sided hug. The dark-haired woman rested her head on Kara’s shoulder.

 

“And what about us?” Lena whispered.

 

“It doesn’t matter for now”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for reading tell me what you think.


	4. naked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank TrueMaverick for the review

“And what about us?” Lena whispered.

 

“It doesn’t matter for now” Lena looked up quickly, startled by her girlfriend statement, “You need to make your decision first and we will work from there” Kara added to reassure Lena.

“But you matter, I don’t want to lose you” She whimpered, resting her head against Kara once again as if it would prevent the blonde from running away from her. “I don’t want to pressure you, but I’m afraid that I would resent my child if it drives us apart, and I’m afraid I would resent you… I don’t know what to do” Lena sobbed on Kara’s chest.

 

 

“Hey, I’m here” the blonde tried to soothe her, playing with her hair and lightly massaging her scalp. When she saw it wasn’t enough she talked again. “You know what, I will tell you what I think, I don't want to interfere with your processing, but we are getting nowhere” She held Lena and waited for her to look in her eyes. “I love you, and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life telling you this until you understand the depth of it. I love you and I want to be there for you if you want to have me. I love you and I will support you whatever you choose to do. I love you and I will love your child as mine if it’s what you want.” She put all her strength and all her conviction into her statement, wanting Lena to understand how much she meant what she was saying. “I love you and I will be there for you as a friend if you want us to go back to our friendship” She whispered the last part, afraid Lena would ask her that, she would do it but it would be hard.

 

“I don’t want to lose you”

 

“You won’t I promise, I will be there for you no matter what you want”

 

“You don’t understand I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to lose us, I don’t want to go back to our friendship, I want it all” Lena settled back on Kara’s chest and held her tight. The blonde was relieved to hear Lena say she didn’t want to end their relationship. “But I don’t want to force you in this if it’s not what you want,” Lena whispered to her. And Kara took her time to think of what she wanted to say.

 

“I don’t remember wanting children” Kara began and Lena tensed. “I was young when I was sent away from Krypton to take care of Kal-El, and I was forced in an adult role too soon. I never dreamt about it because my life was already laid out.” Kara took her time to gather her thoughts and try to stop her tears. Lena hadn’t relaxed and waited apprehensively for what would come next. “When I landed on Earth, I was lost, I didn’t have a purpose anymore, Kal-El was already a grown man, and I had no one who understood what I felt. I lost everything I knew, and everybody around me asked me to hide who I was.” Kara took a deep breath talking about her childhood was hard, the wounds hadn’t healed entirely.

 

 

 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” Lena said, sensing her lover’s distress. She knew Kara never talked about it and didn’t want her to feel obliged.

 

“I need to, I want you to know all of me, just give me a moment, please” Kara whispered, still trying to keep her tears from falling.

 

Lena straightened on the couch and pulled Kara onto her chest, reversing their position, she hoped it would help Kara as much as it helped her.

 

“It was hard to hide, I wanted to help, I had all these powers, and I was supposed to let terrible things happen in order to protect myself, it’s against everything I believe in and against my Kryptonian culture. I had lost my world, lost my purpose and I was supposed to turn my back on my beliefs and my culture?” Kara’s voice wavered, Lena could hear all the anger Kara felt about it. “I couldn’t understand why I was still alive, and sometimes I wanted to join my family” Kara exhaled slowly, trying to let go of her anger. “So no, I never thought about having children when I was a child and I thought it wouldn’t be possible, you know, because I’m an alien” She gestured in front of herself. “And after, when my relationship with Alex and Eliza improved I thought about adopting, but I quickly dismissed the thought when I became Supergirl.” Kara grown silent for a moment and Lena thought she had finished.

 

“To answer to your question… that wasn’t a question, more a worry. I never thought too much about having a child. And I'm sorry for the way I reacted to the news. You took me by surprise.” Kara continued, she straightened herself and smiled fondly, she took Lena’s hands in hers. “I know we still have a lot to talk about. But I believe that as long as we are together we will manage.”

 

She moved forward slowly and Lena met her halfway. They kissed with all the love they felt for each other.

 

“El mayarah” Lena said breathlessly when they parted.

 

“El mayarah” Kara repeated smiling widely.

 

They cuddled on the couch in silence for a while, lost in their thoughts.

 

“I want to have this child with you” Lena finally said, “If you want to” She added quickly. “I know you will be an amazing mother, and I don’t feel strong enough to do this alone. But with you by my side, it doesn’t seem so insane” Lena began to ramble in a very Kara’s style, which made the blonde chuckled.

 

“I would love that” Kara put Lena out of her misery and kissed her quickly.

 

“I know it’s not ideal, we have both crazy schedules and we haven't been together for very long, but I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side for this. I love you.”

 

“I feel like we have been dating without knowing it for so long now” Kara said playfully, making Lena smile widely. “You’re going to be a mom, I’m going to be a mom, we’re going to be moms… oh, shoot we need to talk to Alex!”

 

“Why?” Lena asked not following Kara’s train of thought

 

“She was worried about you and she’ll be a great aunt” Kara replied and looking around her for her phone.

 

“Wait, Kara, maybe we could wait before talking about it to anyone, don’t you think?”

 

“I…. I don’t know, why?”

 

“First to be sure that everything is fine, and I want to keep it quiet for now, you know, no need to tell this to everyone”

 

“But Alex isn’t everyone” Kara whined. She was used to sharing everything with her sister, and this news was huge, too huge for her to keep it from Alex.

 

“Ok, we will talk to Alex but not today and not over the phone.” Lena knew she needed to find a compromised.

 

“Ok” Kara finally agreed.

 

“What do you think about I show you around the cabin before lunch?”

 

“You call this place a cabin? I call it a mansion!” Kara smiled, she was relieved to be able to talk to Alex soon and her mood improved exponentially when she heard the word lunch.

 

 

Lena stood up and offered a hand to Kara, she could use some fresh air and a walk. Lena retreated to her room to get dressed, she couldn’t go out in her pajamas.

 

 

 

She joined Kara outside, the blonde was basking in the rays of the sun which came through the thick forest. Lena took her time to admire the beauty of the blonde before making her presence known, even if she was sure that Kara had heard her coming.

 

 

 

They walk down a little dirt path and talked. Without any secrets between them, they could talk easily, and Lena remembered how she loved this, talking with Kara was like second nature, as natural as breathing. She regretted shutting Kara out and was grateful that the blonde didn’t hold it against her.

 

 

 

They came back to the cabin just in time for lunch, Lena knew she couldn’t have kept Kara away from food any longer and she was hungry too after their walk. Kara cooked for them under Lena's gaze, the only thing missing, according to Lena was a glass of wine, but she would have to wait for that. They enjoy this new side of their relationship, the domestic side. They felt comfortable around each other.

 

 

 

Lena couldn’t dream of anything else, she had friends, an amazing girlfriend and soon they will become a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for reading, tell me what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, tell me what you think about it.


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